Cruise Fun with Charli! Episode One: Douche-Bag Hunting
Setting: Cruise ship cabin
Panel A: Me looking at my sister, she's sniffling and tearing up, obviously upset.
Panel B: I am thinking, my sister is getting more upset, the tears are about the flow.
Me: (thought bubble) "What's a fun, normal way to cheer up my sister?"
Panel C: I am throwing my arms up in the air, I have a great a idea!. My sister looks a little less upset, the upset that has left is now replaced with confusion.
Me: "Let's go douche-bag hunting!"
Cathy: "Wha...? Why?"
Panel D: I stand there, smiling with my hand on my hips. There are twinkly lights about me and Cathy's tears are gone, looking at me with puzzlement.
Me: "It's important!"
Cathy: "What are you talking about...?"
Panel E: I am dragging my sister along my her hand, her feet aren't even touching the ground.
Me: "I'm gonna show you how to identify douche-bags because it'll make you happy!"
Setting: Cruise ship deck
Panel A: Cathy is standing with her arms on the banister. I hide behind a pillar wearing a safari hat. We are on the hunt.
Me: "Look! Two over there!"
Panel B: Two guys are walking. They wear heir hats backwards and have popped collars.
Me: (offscreen): "They have douche-bag written all over them"
Cathy: 'It says Abercrombie..."
Me: "Same thing."
Panel C: Cathy looks at me as i carelessly toss my safari cap aside.
Me: "But THESE are the tell-tale signs!"
The entire page is a diagram of a 'Douche' with arrows and explanations.
The Basics of a Douche Bag:
- Backwards cap (usually the stupid 'worn and torn' kind)
- Perpetually, but undeserved, smug expression
- Popped collar, the classic Douche Bag sign
- Wears two shirts. Not necessarily a Douche Bag thing, but it still bugs me
- Polo shirt that is Abercrombie &Fitch, Hollister or any other 'tool' store out there
- White or plaid shorts
- Stupid flip-flops
- Will swagger; practiced and perfected
- Confident for no reason; in the stupid way
Setting: Cruise deck again
Panel A: I talk with my sister
Me: "Now, a quick tutorial of the other types of creatures we will observe!"
Panel B: Insecure guy looking at his clothes.
Me: "The Poser: Note the air of insecurity and ungeled hair."
Poser: "Is this too much 'pop' in my collar...?"
Panel C: A giddy girl parading around in a skimpy bikini.
Me: "The Skank: Skimpy and likes attention."
Skank: "Ooh! Lookit me! I'm wearing a bikini! Lookit my boobies! Lookit!"
Panel D: Fashionable girl with a disgruntled look.
Me; "The Bitch: Borderline Skank, but filled with hostility towards all other females."
BItch: "Whores, whores, whores, whores, whores...."
Panel A: Cathy still staring at me, I'm smiling.
Cathy: "So... what are we?"
Panel B: I stand there silent, smiling at her.
Panel C: Cathy stares at me while i stand there proudly arms outstretched.
Me: "I'm a JERK!" "And you're the apprentice!"